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The Pooper Wipers' Results

 I’ve only been doing the poll a week and I’m already slipping. I forgot to get the new one up at the start of the week. Better late than never! This week’s poll:

How long did you continue to make people wash their hands before holding your baby? And be honest!

Last week’s poll, covering the all-important poop topic, had people pretty cleanly divided (ha ha). Only one person confessed to being stingy with the wipes and using only 1 or 2 for cleaning up a poopy diaper. I say, God bless you for being frugal instead of fastidious.

The rest of us were evenly split between using 3 or 4 – staying clean but not going overboard – and using 5 or more. Seems there are a bunch of mommies willing to spend the pennies if keeps them away from the poop.

Where do I fall? Somewhere in between. I generally use 3 to 4 on a decent-sized poop, whereas my husband would go through an entire box of wipes if it meant keeping the poop away from him and guaranteeing baby girl a shiny, spotless bottom. But sometimes, when I’m tired, and feeling extravagant, I’ll plow through a handful without a backward glance. It feels so decadent.

I think the Top Poop Cleaner goes to my friend who will remain nameless since I haven’t told him I’m going to talk about him. Before opening a poopy diaper, he’ll line up a good half-dozen fresh wipes along the back of the changing table. Apparently the dispenser is not fast enough and he wants no lag time between wipes.

So strong is his sense of cleanliness, and so great is his desire to avoid poop, that it almost caused a marital rift. My girlfriend was working in her kitchen one day and noticed her baby’s diaper was tucked up slightly under one butt cheek. Every mommy knows this is a leak waiting to happen and her hands were full, so she asked Top Poop Cleaner to go over and fix baby’s diaper. He started towards the tot, then paused.

“Honey,” he asked, “when you clean our child’s butt, do you wipe outside to in or inside to out?”

My friend answered that inside to out certainly seemed to make the most hygienic sense and was probably what she did.

“Because I think I saw you wiping inside to out this morning, which may mean there’s lingering feces on baby’s butt,” he continued.

My girlfriend counted to ten, restrained from throwing the frying pan at him, and said, “My darling, get over there and fix your child’s diaper. Now.”

He wisely did so.


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