1 Mother 2 Another

In Maddie’s newfound fascination with all things grown-up, her biggest obsession is the telephone.

She’s long enjoyed the cell-phone as an accessory, packing an old one in her “purse” and periodically taking it out, tucking it between her ear and shoulder, and walking around shouting. But for the past month or two she’s realized that when Mommy and Daddy do that, there’s a Real Live Voice talking back to them, and now nothing less will do.

Sometimes Maddie simply wants to expound on a subject and doesn’t really need feedback, and in those instances she’ll grab whatever’s handy – her plastic phone, Elmo, whatever – pretend it’s a phone, and begin lecturing. More often than not, though, she’s looking for a two-way conversation and there’d better be someone around willing to deliver.

Sometimes Maddie simply wants to expound on a subject and doesn’t really need feedback, and in those instances she’ll grab whatever’s handy – her plastic phone, Elmo, whatever – pretend it’s a phone, and begin lecturing. More often than not, though, she’s looking for a two-way conversation and there’d better be someone around willing to deliver.

In a pinch, I can fake a phone call with her myself: I’ll give a convincing “Ring ring ring! Hello! Is Maddie there?” Madeleine will stare at me suspiciously, decide to suspend her 15-month-old disbelief, and begin a conversation. As long as I give an occasional “Really? And then what?” she’ll stay on track for a while.

Best-case scenario, of course, though, is Gamma. Maddie talks to her Gamma at least once a day on the phone, and if she thinks it’s been too long she’ll grab my phone from my purse, and hand it to me, pleading.

“Do you want me to call Gamma?”

“Dah! Dah! Dah!”

“Ok, ok, I’m calling her right now.”

Then there are those scary seconds of fervent prayer when I realize my mother may not be answering her phone. Such situations, while rare, invariably result in a stellar meltdown that only Silky can solve.

But usually Gamma’s there and I’ll lock the keypad, hand the phone to my child, and watch her begin to pace back and forth, shouting at the phone.

This especially worked in my favor while we were on vacation recently; I could call mom, hand the phone over, and voila – an instant babysitter good for at least five minutes. I had the freedom to put on suncreen, pack snacks, whatever, while Maddie rapturously filled Gamma in on her day thus far.

And when I said that Maddie wants a conversation, I meant it. She’ll talk a bit, then wait for a question. God bless her, my mother tries vainly to understand at least the general topic of the conversation, but without visual cues it’s not a surefire thing. Maddie will talk, Gamma will say, “Yes, and was it blue?” and Maddie will explode into chatter, making it clear that a color was nowhere in the conversation she was having. I’ll try to interject into the conversation from across the room, since the phone’s on speakerphone, but Maddie will jealously turn away from me. Gamma will try again, Maddie will sigh as if to say, “Finally! Yes! Now, as I was saying . . .”

We thought these conversations were so cute, we finally videotaped one. I know, obsessive parents. But when we came back from vacation and showed the video to my mom, a curious thing happened.

Maddie had the same conversation all over again.

She began watching the video with us just out of curiosity, but when Gamma got on the phone in the movie, Maddie perked up. Every time Movie Gamma asked a question, Live Maddie answered it. The same way she did on television! Every time Gamma got something wrong, Live Maddie corrected her simultaneously with her televised self. Clearly my child understands what she’s saying and doesn’t know why no one else does.

Sometime soon I’ll have to teach her the fine art of hanging up, which she hasn’t gotten yet. If playing by herself, she’ll simply say, “Bye bye”, close the phone, and walk away. But if she’s talking to Gamma, she can’t take the hint that it’s time to hang up. She’ll notice me lurking around and she’ll start to sidle innocently away from me. As I walk to catch up, saying, “It’s time to say bye-bye”, she’ll flat out start running, shouting breathless instruction to Gamma all the while. I’ll finally capture her, wrestle the phone away, and get a tearful “Bye bye” from her, but it’s not easy.

So beware ever getting into a phone conversation with my daughter – it may take a while. Bring a snack.