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Telling People

So we’ve been “out of the
closet” with this second pregnancy for about two weeks now,
and have run through most of our daily friends and family. From
here on out, it’ll be the
running-into-the-casual-acquaintance scenario, where you
can’t casually bring it up without sounding self-centered so
you wait to tell such people until you’re visibly pregnant
and not just possibly getting heavier. I know you know what
I’m talking about.

I remember telling everyone during the first pregnancy, and how
excited we were to spread the news. We told parents and respective
best friends right away, then kept our cards close to our vest
until we hit that crucial 13-week check-up. You know, the one where
you hear and see the heartbeat and everyone breathes a sigh of
relief that it’s gone well so far. Man, those first three
months were hard to wait through. Several times I was tempted to
blurt it out to a friend or client – “I’m
pregnant! I’m sorry, what were you saying about your new
couch?” But I remembered my several friends who had
miscarriages during their first trimesters and couldn’t
imagine having to go through that painful explanation over and over

So I kept quiet.

This time around, I didn’t find it
as hard to stay silent. For one thing, I already have a kid, so
I’ve got at least a vague idea of how my life is going to
change in a few months and I’ve already got a handle on the
parenting thing. My first pregnancy, I had a hard time thinking
about anything BUT the pregnancy for long stretches of time; I was
nervous and scared and filled with a million questions, and wanted
to simply talk about it with anyone willing to listen.

This second pregnancy was harder than the first though – I
did have a few weeks of mild-to-moderate nausea this time, and
found it difficult to explain away to a casual friend. I also
discovered an occasional urge to blurt out the big news to people
I’d run into, but not because I was so happy at becoming a
mommy (again) – no, it was for a much more selfish reason.

I didn’t want people to think I was just getting fatter.

Yes, the ole ego got in the way once again. Because ladies, it
happens faster the second time around. As I’ve mentioned
(extensively) in my previous blogs on this pregnancy, the weight
came on faster and I had a hard time letting my clients assume I
was simply “letting myself go”. I admit it.

And let me tell you something else that’s different about
telling people the second time around –

The other person’s reaction.

I’ve seen it fall into two basic camps. The first camp is
filled with fellow parents, ecstatic about the new life and, I
suspect, happy to have another sucker follow them into
multiple-child parenting. The second camp is populated mostly by
non-parents, and the first reaction that flashes across their face
is usually,


As if one was acceptable, even commendable, but now, really,
it’s just a hobby gone bad, like collecting too many Princess
Diana Commemorative Plates or something. These people are not
usually friends, but business associates who see the pregnancy as
an annoyance on their own personal radar – “Uh, oh,
have to deal with another pregnancy leave! Thanks a lot!”

I think my all-time favorite reaction so far, though, was my
brother’s. We went to meet my new little nephew Dean when he
was about six weeks old, and I was around 8 weeks pregnant. We told
my brother and his wife that we were expecting, and my poor,
sleep-deprived brother shot me a look of disbelief that said,

“Really? You’re going to do this AGAIN? ON

He pulled himself together, of course, and congratulated us, but
you could tell there was still that hangover of incredulity that
only a new parent can feel when told someone’s volunteering
to hop into his position “for fun”.

Believe me, John, you’ll be re-enlisting yourself


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