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She Will Make A GREAT Parent

This is not my story, but it’s too
delicious not to tell. Pun intended.

Maddie’s friend Elise has historically disliked chocolate, to
the point that Elise’s friends will often choose a vanilla
cake for a birthday party so “Elise will want some
too.” This is not anything the girl has done to force her way
– it’s simply a measure of how much her friends like

So when Elise asked for a chocolate bunny for Easter for the first
time, to call it huge would be an understatement. Both parents
checked in – yes, she really meant it. Rite of passage, or a
genuine taste change? Who could tell, and who cared. The bunny was
coming, and the subject of much discussion. Elise made it clear
that the bunny was hers – and ONLY hers – and she would
savor it slowly in her own time whilst it remained off-limits to
the rest of the household.

Elise did indeed take her time with the
bunny, apparently nibbling from the bottom up, and the thing
disappeared with almost agonizing slowness. One day about a week
ago, Elise’s mother Mary noticed that the bunny seemed, well,
shorter than it had been the last time Elise had nibbled on it.
When Mary confronted the dad, TJ, he admitted that he had indeed
had a little snack off of Peter Rabbit but said, “Elise will
never notice. Trust me.”

Famous last words.

A few nights later, Elise was walking past The Bunny when she did a
double take. “Are you kidding me?” she asked as she
slowly turned back to it. “Are you KIDDING me?” she
shrieked after getting a good look. She turned towards the room,
her eyes scanning relentlessly until they came to rest on a
squirming TJ. “Daddy, did you eat part of MY BUNNY?”

To his credit, at least the man didn’t lie.

“Well, yes, baby, I did, but just a tiny bit. I’m
sorry,” he said humbly.

Elise stared at him in disbelief. “A TINY bit?” she
said. “There’s, like, a FIFTH of it gone!”
(They’ve been learning fractions in school. Well done,
Elise.) And then she ran up to her room, slammed the door, and
sobbed for an eternity.

The parents sat downstairs listening to their daughter wail. TJ
looked at his wife. “I kinda think you deserve this
one,” she said frankly. And TJ got up and went to face his

Elise really pulled out all the stops on the ole father-daughter
talk that ensued, polishing off such gems as “If you’d
only asked I’d have GIVEN you a piece!” and “I
don’t understand. I TRUSTED you!” I swear, the girl has
an instinct for the exact right thing to say. In a knife-twisting
kind of way.

Eventually TJ’s whipping was concluded and he slunk
downstairs, a shell of a man. Some time later Elise came down, eyes
red and swollen, her face full of the knowledge of the Importance
Of What She Was About To Do, and said solemnly, “Daddy, I
forgive you,” the Empress’s scepter descending
magnanimously on the egregiously erroneous peasant’s back.

TJ looked pathetically at Elise. “Honey, I’ll buy you a
new bunny, I promise.”

And Elise delivered her coup de grace of the evening. She stared
stoically at her daddy and said, “Oh, Daddy, it’s not
really about the bunny, now, is it?”

I swear that girl’s going to make a great parent. She’s
got the guilt thing down already.


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