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Still Sick. Still Pregnant.

As I inch towards 38 weeks and my belly
inches towards Guinness Book worthiness, I sit here, still sick,
still pregnant.

On the upside – while feeling worse Monday morning, a whole
day pretty much in bed made me feel significantly better by the end
of the evening. And Madeleine’s had a slight drip, but
I’m hoping it stops there.

On the downside – I’ve stayed in bed pretty much the
whole day, and haven’t even had the baby yet.

Why am I crabbing, you ask? Brian and
Gamma split childcare for the day, with me making brief guest
appearances for meals and quick cuddles. But even the cuddles are
unsatisfactory when your whole being is focused on trying not to
breathe your germy breath on your kiddo. And I’m not the type
of person who enjoys asking everyone to do her work for her, which
means I spend much of my bed rest feeling guilty and lazy at the
same time.

Add to that a toddler who keeps coming worriedly into my room
saying things like, “Mommy no lie down now. Mommy get
up,” and my Guiltmeter rises exponentially. I can see
Maddie’s at a loss as to how to handle a Mommy who
doesn’t hang out with her and her brain’s trying to
figure out what’s going on and how it affects her. I guess
this is a good warm-up to what life will be like once Peanut shows
up, but I’d hoped to spend my last few days with Maddie
enjoying our time together, not avoiding her.

I truly hope I’ve turned a corner now, though, and the worst
is past. Keep those prayers coming, folks, since they’re
working. I’m feeling ready to move to the next stage, and
know everyone around me is feeling the same way. I’ve hit the
point where casual friends keep calling with that well-meaning,
“Had the baby yet?” question, and casual strangers
speculate freely.

Since Brian’s been taking Maddie to the park so much, a lot
of the mommies there have been wondering if I’ve gone into
labor yet though few have the guts to come out and ask him. Just
last Friday, after Brian did park duty for three days in a row, I
walked past a six-year-old playing with her mommy. The little girl
pointed at me and said, “Look mommy! It’s the
mommy!” – as if to bring the mom’s attention back
to a previous conversation she’d had about me. When the mom
mumbled something to the affirmative, the little girl continued,
“I guess she didn’t pop after all, like you

Totally busted. And I’d like to laugh and point at the poor
mom, but I know it’ll be me with my precocious kid in a few
years so I smile sympathetically and move on.


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